season of change ...

 I love this time of year. The colors are just starting to turn.

                    
                 (this is the view from our backyard)












The weather consists of mild, pleasant afternoons and chilly evenings. All signs of the upcoming changes.

Change is good. If things were to remain constant all the time, many facets of our lives would be taken for granted. It is important to appreciate the things we have and that is not always an easy thing to do.

I need to make some changes in my life. I need to somehow learn to be more tolerant. I need to force myself not to be so quick to judge. They say acknowledging a problem is the biggest step to overcome it.

Not so sure. I agree it is a big part of the battle and allows one to focus on a direction and course of action to counter the behavior in question. However, here I set knowing what's wrong, but not sure how to go about changing it.

I can tell myself all day long 'be tolerant, be patient' but when faced with an irritant, will I be able to follow my own advice? So far the answer has been 'no'.

When in the 'heat of the moment' rational thought does not occur as freely. We have all said things in the thick of an argument that we later regret.

This is what I am fighting. I know what I want to do, but don't always do it.

It's not always been this way. I have become bitter over the years. I used to laugh. I used to have fun with my family. I believe I used to be fun to be around. At the very least, I was more pleasant to be around.

It has been a  long time since any of those things applied to me. I don't know when it happened, I don't understand why it happened ... it just did. I managed to get here now I need to navigate my way back out.