no, not the blog. The title refers to the ride I took today on Dad's ( '07 'wing with a sidecar), which I affectionately call the land yacht, due to its behemoth size.
The previous two times I have been on this bike have been ... interesting. The first time was the ride home from first picking it up in Knoxville (about 40 miles) and the second was just a 3 mile run up to the nearest vacant parking lot to practice.
Both times the rig had lifted as I entered into a right hand turn. Both times, this freaked me out and I hit the brakes. And, both times, I have been pushed hard to the left and have not had enough strength to counter it. Luckily, both times I have been fortunate enough not to get hurt, or do any damage to anyone or anyone's property.
I have since been able to figure out that if I shift my weight closer to the sidecar when entering a right turn, it doesn't have the tendency to tilt. I also figured that the front brake seemed to be my biggest issue. When I clamp down on that, the bike pushes to the left. I have learned to shift my weight and use less front brake (which is so opposite of how I handle a normal motorcycle).
Still, to say I am a bit intimidated by this machine, is putting it mildly. I have easily logged about a quarter of a million miles on a two-wheeled motorcycle and feel I am quite proficient at it. I expected that the hack'd 'wing would be different, however, I guess I just didn't realize *how* different it would be.
Isaac was able to tend to Dad for a couple hours today which freed me up to go acquaint myself with this beast. I planned out a route that would entail about 80 miles of four-lane type U.S. highways that should limit the amount of hard right turns I would encounter. That was the plan, anyway.
This area is abundant with nice twisty mountain roads that are perfect for motorcycles. That is one of the many reasons I love this area. However, until I get into a comfort zone with the land yacht, I have no inclination to hit those just yet.
I set out to the same vacant parking lot I practiced at before (again, it's only a few miles away) and did some more circles. This time, however, I played with the suspension settings, both on the bike and on the sidecar. I have read that a good practice for learning control of a hack is to "fly the car" -- this means to ride the bike on two wheels with the sidecar in the air.
I tried that with some success and once I felt a bit comfortable with the car lifting, headed out for the road to do my little 80 mile run. The weather was absolutely perfect for riding. The skies were a beautiful blue and without a cloud to be seen anywhere and the temperature was in the mid-70s. Just perfect!
I am riding along US 321, which had recently been repaved and was smooth as a baby's bottom. Everything is going along fine. It seems the suspension settings I picked in the parking lot are really working out.
Left turns are no problem. However, every single right turn I approach has me nervous. None of the rights I faced were hard rights, but just the same, my nerves are wracked.
I am on 321 for about 25 miles. By now, I am settled in, and even the right handers I face are not as bothersome. Cool! I am starting to settle in.
So much so that when I come across a state road (that I have been on before and know it is not very straight, but not real technical either), that I decide to take it. This road is nearly empty, and I am just tickled for that fact!
The road does have some moderately tight turns and sequences. There were a few warning signs with the squiggly S indicating a series of turns with some labeled as 25 MPH and others as 20 MPH. Ordinarily, these signs bring a smile to my face when I am on a bike, but on the hack, not so much. However, this is just what I need to get over my fear/intimidation.
I did fine. I am still cringing as I enter the rights, but I never once crossed the yellow line. I certainly need more time on it, but I seem to be gaining.
It was only 80 miles, but every muscle in my upper torso is sore from muscling that heavy pig around. However, it's a happy kind of sore. I gained some confidence on that bike today and feel that a couple more outings like that and I will be able to set Dad in the sidecar and get him back 'in the wind'. ; )
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
feel the ... aggravation?
So after having such an awesome time at the Filter show last night, Sean and I get back to his house, say our good-byes, and I head to the car for home. I put the key in, turn the ignition, and? ... nothing -- not even a click -- not even lights. GAH!
Here it is nearly 2 AM and Sean has gone inside, my cell phone is at home on the nightstand (I don't carry it), and nearly all the lights are out inside his house. There is no way I am going to go knock on the door and risk awakening his parents.
Dad and I had bought a new battery for the Mustang earlier that day and he suggested I take it over to Sean's since it had been sitting for a while prior to buying the battery. I have no idea what drained the battery. I popped the hood, checked the cables, and then cursed because they were tight and I knew there was litttle I could do now.
While I am trying to figure out what I am going to do, I hear Sean come out. He didn't hear the 'stang fire up (it is a bit loud with that exhaust), and came out to check on me. Bless his heart! ; )
He heads back in, gets cables and a flashlight and pulls his truck up next to the car. Then his father come out. Now I feel even worse. Luckily Sean assures me that his dad was indeed up and watching some hockey. I still feel bad, but at least I didn't awaken him.
Sean's dad informs me that he thought he saw a light on near the dash of the car but thought it may had been a security system light or something and didn't mess with it. Well at least I know where to start chasing this electrical gremlin. After about 10 minutes on the battery cables, it fires up and I head home.
I walk in the door to find that not only is Dad still awake (it's now almost 3 AM) but drunk. He's not buzzed, but really ... fuggin ... DRUNK! Yippee!
Isaac tries to sneak off, but I corraled him and told him that he needs to finish the "job" in reference to getting Dad to bed. Not the best choice of words, but once they left my tongue, it was too late. However, I don't think it would've mattered what I said, he seemed to be looking for a fight, anyway. I have told that boy before that 'if you let him get *that* bad off, then you will be responsible for getting Dad to bed', plain and simple!
Well, Dad heard the word "job" and he starts picking at me and I refuse to argue with him. After all, I just had a wonderful evening and am not going to let him ruin it.
He keeps picking at me, so I retire to my room. I can hear him yelling and carrying on. Still, I am exercising every bit of restraint and ignoring him and tyring not to react.
However, he keeps pushing and pushing and then I hear him utter to Isaac "I wish the little bastard was in here, I would knock his block off". Well that is it!
Being a stupid male, I couldn't let that go. I go over there and put my face right up within easy reach of him and scream at him to 'go for it'. I had no intent to duck him or return fire. I was just hoping it would allow him the satisfaction to finally shut the fuck up. He never did swing and asked for a baseball bat instead. I left his stupid, drunk ass and headed back to my room.
I hear Isaac telling Dad that everyone needs to just "calm down" -- Isaac. Heh, never figured that boy would be *the* "voice of reason" in this house. There may be hope for him after all.
Dad continued on yelling and ranting, and finally wore himself out and to the joy of everyone, passed out. It was a great night until we left Knoxville. It doesn't happen often, so I suppose I shouldn't complain, but wish it would've happened on another night so it didn't put a damper on an otherwise awesome evening.
Here it is nearly 2 AM and Sean has gone inside, my cell phone is at home on the nightstand (I don't carry it), and nearly all the lights are out inside his house. There is no way I am going to go knock on the door and risk awakening his parents.
Dad and I had bought a new battery for the Mustang earlier that day and he suggested I take it over to Sean's since it had been sitting for a while prior to buying the battery. I have no idea what drained the battery. I popped the hood, checked the cables, and then cursed because they were tight and I knew there was litttle I could do now.
While I am trying to figure out what I am going to do, I hear Sean come out. He didn't hear the 'stang fire up (it is a bit loud with that exhaust), and came out to check on me. Bless his heart! ; )
He heads back in, gets cables and a flashlight and pulls his truck up next to the car. Then his father come out. Now I feel even worse. Luckily Sean assures me that his dad was indeed up and watching some hockey. I still feel bad, but at least I didn't awaken him.
Sean's dad informs me that he thought he saw a light on near the dash of the car but thought it may had been a security system light or something and didn't mess with it. Well at least I know where to start chasing this electrical gremlin. After about 10 minutes on the battery cables, it fires up and I head home.
I walk in the door to find that not only is Dad still awake (it's now almost 3 AM) but drunk. He's not buzzed, but really ... fuggin ... DRUNK! Yippee!
Isaac tries to sneak off, but I corraled him and told him that he needs to finish the "job" in reference to getting Dad to bed. Not the best choice of words, but once they left my tongue, it was too late. However, I don't think it would've mattered what I said, he seemed to be looking for a fight, anyway. I have told that boy before that 'if you let him get *that* bad off, then you will be responsible for getting Dad to bed', plain and simple!
Well, Dad heard the word "job" and he starts picking at me and I refuse to argue with him. After all, I just had a wonderful evening and am not going to let him ruin it.
He keeps picking at me, so I retire to my room. I can hear him yelling and carrying on. Still, I am exercising every bit of restraint and ignoring him and tyring not to react.
However, he keeps pushing and pushing and then I hear him utter to Isaac "I wish the little bastard was in here, I would knock his block off". Well that is it!
Being a stupid male, I couldn't let that go. I go over there and put my face right up within easy reach of him and scream at him to 'go for it'. I had no intent to duck him or return fire. I was just hoping it would allow him the satisfaction to finally shut the fuck up. He never did swing and asked for a baseball bat instead. I left his stupid, drunk ass and headed back to my room.
I hear Isaac telling Dad that everyone needs to just "calm down" -- Isaac. Heh, never figured that boy would be *the* "voice of reason" in this house. There may be hope for him after all.
Dad continued on yelling and ranting, and finally wore himself out and to the joy of everyone, passed out. It was a great night until we left Knoxville. It doesn't happen often, so I suppose I shouldn't complain, but wish it would've happened on another night so it didn't put a damper on an otherwise awesome evening.
feel the music
The Knoxville radio station, 94.3 the x, put on a free concert this evening. Many free concerts are free because most folks wouldn't go if they had to pay. This show was featuring Filter, a band that has been around and successful for years. I would've gladly paid to see it.
The only criteria for getting in the door was you needed to have tickets beforehand. The other thing was that it was first come, first served -- meaning that having a ticket alone was no guarantee that you would get admitted into the show. It was advised to get there early to ensure you *did* get in.
The doors opened at 9 PM, so Sean and I made sure we were there by 9. Besides, it would give us a chance to see the local openers, Down From Up and Skytown Riot. Neither he nor I had seen them before, let alone heard any of their work, so we would have been there early anyway.
Being there around the time the doors open is typical for us. We like to experience new music. What was odd, was the fact that the line bent all the way around the building out towards the next road.
We finally work our way to the door, get admitted, find a spot on the floor, and just people watch until the show started. There was a single spotlight turned on and it was facing downwards right on to the floor. It was amusing to watch people either totally avoid the light or stand in it and pose for friends and/or cameras.
Down From Up took the stage first, and I am immediately impressed with the drummer. He is really good. The rest of the band is okay, but the drummer seemed to be in a class of his own up there. The lead guitarist had talent but really strived more on flash and flare than substance, in my opinion. They played four songs before their set was over. They were good, but there was no doubt why they opened.
Neither of us being a smoker, we rarely leave the spot we first arrive at. I find it fun to watch the breakdown and setup and sound checks between acts. Besides, it allows a wider vantage point for people watching than does the smoking area.
The bassist for Skytown Riot started doing his sound check and it was obvious, that he knew how to thump a bass. The dude was good.
They soon took to the stage and before the first song was done, the bassist had already blown an amp. Either this happens often, or they just come that prepared, because the vocalist claims that he has another and begins immediately hooking it up. Meanwhile the drummer, lead and rhythm guitarists all begin doing an impromptu jam (although if blowing amps is a regular occurence, maybe it wasn't so impromptu after all).
Jam is a good description for this band. They really did have some great jam sessions as the rest of their set went along without a hitch. They were really tight and seemed to know where each one was in their progressions.
The thing that I found bothersome, was the fact that the music wasn't "polished". They would have a neat groove going and then it would just abruptly .... stop.
There was no transition from jamming to quitting. It was ..... "choppy". The music was great, though, and they are quite a talented bunch. I just felt it was not done as well as it could. (not that I could do any better, but just as an observer, that's what I noticed)
After their set, the crew began clearing the stage again, followed by more sound checks. While mixing the drum sound for Filter's set, I could literally feel the jeans vibrate around my legs from the sound waves. It happened again when they set the bass levels. Pretty fuckin' cool -- this is going to be great!
Then Filter took the stage; and they took it with a storm. It was a total assault. Loud, high-energy, it was visceral.
I always am curious to see how a band coming off a long layoff will perform together. Filter broke up for a few years and are now back together touring and supporting their latest release.
It was as if there was no layoff. They were tight and it was evident they were really enjoying themselves.
The beauty was by about the third song, it was evident that this was one of those shows where the band and the crowd are so intertwined that they are really feeding off of each other. It certainly was a great exchange as they entertained us with their "short bus rock-n-roll" and the crowd returned the favor with an active mosh pit, crowd surfing, and loud cheering.
It is always neat to see that interaction between the band and the crowd and even better to be a part of it (no I don't do the mosh thing, but I cheered myself hoarse). You often hear "thanks, you folks are why we do this" or "you guys are awesome", etc. but you could hear (and feel) the sincerity of their words this evening.
After the show was over and the house lights came back on, all I could utter was "HOLYFUCKINSHIT". I was floored. What a show! Sean echoed it with "WOW" twice.
We got back to the truck and I asked "why was that the first time I ever seen them live?" If they ever come back to the area, and I am able, I will be seeing them a second time. Great, great, great show!
The only criteria for getting in the door was you needed to have tickets beforehand. The other thing was that it was first come, first served -- meaning that having a ticket alone was no guarantee that you would get admitted into the show. It was advised to get there early to ensure you *did* get in.
The doors opened at 9 PM, so Sean and I made sure we were there by 9. Besides, it would give us a chance to see the local openers, Down From Up and Skytown Riot. Neither he nor I had seen them before, let alone heard any of their work, so we would have been there early anyway.
Being there around the time the doors open is typical for us. We like to experience new music. What was odd, was the fact that the line bent all the way around the building out towards the next road.
We finally work our way to the door, get admitted, find a spot on the floor, and just people watch until the show started. There was a single spotlight turned on and it was facing downwards right on to the floor. It was amusing to watch people either totally avoid the light or stand in it and pose for friends and/or cameras.
Down From Up took the stage first, and I am immediately impressed with the drummer. He is really good. The rest of the band is okay, but the drummer seemed to be in a class of his own up there. The lead guitarist had talent but really strived more on flash and flare than substance, in my opinion. They played four songs before their set was over. They were good, but there was no doubt why they opened.
Neither of us being a smoker, we rarely leave the spot we first arrive at. I find it fun to watch the breakdown and setup and sound checks between acts. Besides, it allows a wider vantage point for people watching than does the smoking area.
The bassist for Skytown Riot started doing his sound check and it was obvious, that he knew how to thump a bass. The dude was good.
They soon took to the stage and before the first song was done, the bassist had already blown an amp. Either this happens often, or they just come that prepared, because the vocalist claims that he has another and begins immediately hooking it up. Meanwhile the drummer, lead and rhythm guitarists all begin doing an impromptu jam (although if blowing amps is a regular occurence, maybe it wasn't so impromptu after all).
Jam is a good description for this band. They really did have some great jam sessions as the rest of their set went along without a hitch. They were really tight and seemed to know where each one was in their progressions.
The thing that I found bothersome, was the fact that the music wasn't "polished". They would have a neat groove going and then it would just abruptly .... stop.
There was no transition from jamming to quitting. It was ..... "choppy". The music was great, though, and they are quite a talented bunch. I just felt it was not done as well as it could. (not that I could do any better, but just as an observer, that's what I noticed)
After their set, the crew began clearing the stage again, followed by more sound checks. While mixing the drum sound for Filter's set, I could literally feel the jeans vibrate around my legs from the sound waves. It happened again when they set the bass levels. Pretty fuckin' cool -- this is going to be great!
Then Filter took the stage; and they took it with a storm. It was a total assault. Loud, high-energy, it was visceral.
I always am curious to see how a band coming off a long layoff will perform together. Filter broke up for a few years and are now back together touring and supporting their latest release.
It was as if there was no layoff. They were tight and it was evident they were really enjoying themselves.
The beauty was by about the third song, it was evident that this was one of those shows where the band and the crowd are so intertwined that they are really feeding off of each other. It certainly was a great exchange as they entertained us with their "short bus rock-n-roll" and the crowd returned the favor with an active mosh pit, crowd surfing, and loud cheering.
It is always neat to see that interaction between the band and the crowd and even better to be a part of it (no I don't do the mosh thing, but I cheered myself hoarse). You often hear "thanks, you folks are why we do this" or "you guys are awesome", etc. but you could hear (and feel) the sincerity of their words this evening.
After the show was over and the house lights came back on, all I could utter was "HOLYFUCKINSHIT". I was floored. What a show! Sean echoed it with "WOW" twice.
We got back to the truck and I asked "why was that the first time I ever seen them live?" If they ever come back to the area, and I am able, I will be seeing them a second time. Great, great, great show!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
for the good of .... ????
A buddy of mine posted this link on his Facebook page this morning.
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/10/17/morals-without-god/
it's an interesting conversation (okay opinion) about whether morality exists independent of religion. One of the things that caught my eye most (which was hardly the point of the article, but ...), and an issue we all really struggled with when I took some psych. classes in college, due to its subjective nature, is the concept of altruism.
I have never held any favor for the concept of true altruism. Altruism is something that is done *for* someone else without *any* benefit for yourself.
The author of the article (a very accomplished and respected behavioral biologist) argues that it does exist. He contends that the warm, fuzzy feeling derived from doing something for another only exists because of the other individual is involved.
That's pretty weak, it's almost as redundant as saying it takes two to fight. It neither supports or refutes his point. I have no idea why he included that point.
He also cites some examples where primates have done deeds that show no real benefit for the one doing the deed. However, most primates are pack animals and helping another member of the pack also helps the individual.
Even one of the cases he mentions shows an immediate benefit for the donor (if you read the article the prosocial token -- yields a reward for BOTH monkeys). This is the opposite of what he is discussing, so again, not sure why it was included.
He claims that these primates cannot perceive what future benefit would come from doing an act now. With lesser intelligent animals, that would be more likely. It would be nieve to think that -these- animals are not intelligent enough to have that level of forethought and planning.
This is why I believe there is no such thing as true altruism. If it's defined as a truly selfless act, then how can it be called altruism if you get some reinforcement for doing it? There are no free rides. ; )
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/10/17/morals-without-god/
it's an interesting conversation (okay opinion) about whether morality exists independent of religion. One of the things that caught my eye most (which was hardly the point of the article, but ...), and an issue we all really struggled with when I took some psych. classes in college, due to its subjective nature, is the concept of altruism.
I have never held any favor for the concept of true altruism. Altruism is something that is done *for* someone else without *any* benefit for yourself.
The author of the article (a very accomplished and respected behavioral biologist) argues that it does exist. He contends that the warm, fuzzy feeling derived from doing something for another only exists because of the other individual is involved.
That's pretty weak, it's almost as redundant as saying it takes two to fight. It neither supports or refutes his point. I have no idea why he included that point.
He also cites some examples where primates have done deeds that show no real benefit for the one doing the deed. However, most primates are pack animals and helping another member of the pack also helps the individual.
Even one of the cases he mentions shows an immediate benefit for the donor (if you read the article the prosocial token -- yields a reward for BOTH monkeys). This is the opposite of what he is discussing, so again, not sure why it was included.
He claims that these primates cannot perceive what future benefit would come from doing an act now. With lesser intelligent animals, that would be more likely. It would be nieve to think that -these- animals are not intelligent enough to have that level of forethought and planning.
This is why I believe there is no such thing as true altruism. If it's defined as a truly selfless act, then how can it be called altruism if you get some reinforcement for doing it? There are no free rides. ; )
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
season of change ...
I love this time of year. The colors are just starting to turn.
(this is the view from our backyard)
The weather consists of mild, pleasant afternoons and chilly evenings. All signs of the upcoming changes.
Change is good. If things were to remain constant all the time, many facets of our lives would be taken for granted. It is important to appreciate the things we have and that is not always an easy thing to do.
I need to make some changes in my life. I need to somehow learn to be more tolerant. I need to force myself not to be so quick to judge. They say acknowledging a problem is the biggest step to overcome it.
Not so sure. I agree it is a big part of the battle and allows one to focus on a direction and course of action to counter the behavior in question. However, here I set knowing what's wrong, but not sure how to go about changing it.
I can tell myself all day long 'be tolerant, be patient' but when faced with an irritant, will I be able to follow my own advice? So far the answer has been 'no'.
When in the 'heat of the moment' rational thought does not occur as freely. We have all said things in the thick of an argument that we later regret.
This is what I am fighting. I know what I want to do, but don't always do it.
It's not always been this way. I have become bitter over the years. I used to laugh. I used to have fun with my family. I believe I used to be fun to be around. At the very least, I was more pleasant to be around.
It has been a long time since any of those things applied to me. I don't know when it happened, I don't understand why it happened ... it just did. I managed to get here now I need to navigate my way back out.
(this is the view from our backyard)
The weather consists of mild, pleasant afternoons and chilly evenings. All signs of the upcoming changes.
Change is good. If things were to remain constant all the time, many facets of our lives would be taken for granted. It is important to appreciate the things we have and that is not always an easy thing to do.
I need to make some changes in my life. I need to somehow learn to be more tolerant. I need to force myself not to be so quick to judge. They say acknowledging a problem is the biggest step to overcome it.
Not so sure. I agree it is a big part of the battle and allows one to focus on a direction and course of action to counter the behavior in question. However, here I set knowing what's wrong, but not sure how to go about changing it.
I can tell myself all day long 'be tolerant, be patient' but when faced with an irritant, will I be able to follow my own advice? So far the answer has been 'no'.
When in the 'heat of the moment' rational thought does not occur as freely. We have all said things in the thick of an argument that we later regret.
This is what I am fighting. I know what I want to do, but don't always do it.
It's not always been this way. I have become bitter over the years. I used to laugh. I used to have fun with my family. I believe I used to be fun to be around. At the very least, I was more pleasant to be around.
It has been a long time since any of those things applied to me. I don't know when it happened, I don't understand why it happened ... it just did. I managed to get here now I need to navigate my way back out.
slippery slope ...
sometimes the best thing to say is .... nothing. i hope one day i get to be smart enough to know.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
difficulties ...
I sometimes wonder if I am a bad person (or rather to how bad?). I am not looking for moral support here, just ruminating.
I have a short temper, am self-centered and selfish (one and the same?), and often not worthy of the affection showered upon me by those close to me that have to endure such behavior. This in itself is enough, but lately, it's gotten worse.
Sure I could go lie on a couch and confess to some licensed professional, but I am not sure why I do what I do. I doubt I would offer much for him to look into. I have taken a few psych. courses in college being a psych. major, I can see the motherly "don't do that" type of advice, but when in the heat of the moment, I guess I don't have the maturity to do what I know I should do.
I look back at my actions, and am repulsed. I don't understand why I am so miserable lately. Going to a shrink will not be productive, because I *know* what I should (or shouldn't) do, but when things go down, I do them anyway .... it's reactive, not premeditated. It's frustrating!
It takes so little to set me off. I can sit here all day and lay out *what* happened, but not WHY. It seriously irks me!
I remember going to sessions with my son's psychiatrist. Isaac and I were both having issues at the time.
He (my son) never really offered much to the doctor to give him any solution to the problem. I now realize maybe Isaac himself did not know. That only is clear to me, now, because of how hazy things (within mine own mind) are to me. It's pretty fucked up!
I have no grasp on this. I certainly don't like it. I am not in need of pharmaceutical treatment, but damn! WTF is up in my head?
I am not saying that everything I react to is without provocation. There are things that tick me off. Those around me have been around long enough to know what they are, but they recur anyway. However, it doesn't excuse my anger or intolerance lately.
To my one and only (beloved) follower, I am sorry. I don't get it. Bear with me. This cannot persist forever and I assure you I want this to end every bit as much as you do.
For anyone else reading, I am sure this comes across as awkward. It sure is for me, so welcome to my world. I will try to make other blogs more pleasant so no "outside" parties have to deal with this. It's bad enough on the inside.
Tomorrow is another day and that is what I hold on to, but I reckon it is up to *me* to make it a different day. I really hope I figure out how to do that ..... soon .... and before it's too late.
I have a short temper, am self-centered and selfish (one and the same?), and often not worthy of the affection showered upon me by those close to me that have to endure such behavior. This in itself is enough, but lately, it's gotten worse.
Sure I could go lie on a couch and confess to some licensed professional, but I am not sure why I do what I do. I doubt I would offer much for him to look into. I have taken a few psych. courses in college being a psych. major, I can see the motherly "don't do that" type of advice, but when in the heat of the moment, I guess I don't have the maturity to do what I know I should do.
I look back at my actions, and am repulsed. I don't understand why I am so miserable lately. Going to a shrink will not be productive, because I *know* what I should (or shouldn't) do, but when things go down, I do them anyway .... it's reactive, not premeditated. It's frustrating!
It takes so little to set me off. I can sit here all day and lay out *what* happened, but not WHY. It seriously irks me!
I remember going to sessions with my son's psychiatrist. Isaac and I were both having issues at the time.
He (my son) never really offered much to the doctor to give him any solution to the problem. I now realize maybe Isaac himself did not know. That only is clear to me, now, because of how hazy things (within mine own mind) are to me. It's pretty fucked up!
I have no grasp on this. I certainly don't like it. I am not in need of pharmaceutical treatment, but damn! WTF is up in my head?
I am not saying that everything I react to is without provocation. There are things that tick me off. Those around me have been around long enough to know what they are, but they recur anyway. However, it doesn't excuse my anger or intolerance lately.
To my one and only (beloved) follower, I am sorry. I don't get it. Bear with me. This cannot persist forever and I assure you I want this to end every bit as much as you do.
For anyone else reading, I am sure this comes across as awkward. It sure is for me, so welcome to my world. I will try to make other blogs more pleasant so no "outside" parties have to deal with this. It's bad enough on the inside.
Tomorrow is another day and that is what I hold on to, but I reckon it is up to *me* to make it a different day. I really hope I figure out how to do that ..... soon .... and before it's too late.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Take a hike, eh?
The day was absolutely perfect. Sunny, cloudless, blue skies, and temperatures in the low 70s. I had brought my sweatshirt just in case, but it spent the whole time wrapped around my waist. There were many out enjoying this beautiful weather at the park including this guy and his dogs ...
There was a group of about a dozen or so folks working the crossing and as precarious as it was it took them about 10-20 minutes to do so. That was enough time for Sean to decide he wanted no part of crossing.
With the strong rush of the water at that point, the slick rocks and tree, it was intimidating, to be sure. Add in Sean's lack of confidence in his balance, and I could totally respect his decision.
He studied the trail map and found another trail we could take to get to where we wanted to go. Still, I wanted to cross, just to do it. I told him I would cross, then come right back.
Knowing we had to backtrack, and not wanting to hold him up, I began studying the area to find another way across. I spied what looked do-able and set out at it.
I was going across the spine of a rock ... teeter-totter-teeter-totter, regain balance, small step, repeat. You see where this is going, don't you?
You guessed it. I lost balance and both feet instantly submerged up to my knees.
My boots are "waterproof" but there isn't much you can do when the water level is above the top of your boots. Soaked socks, shoes, and jeans up to my knees.
Patience is a virtue, and would be a dry one had I any. ; )
By now, everyone had made the crossing and so I decided to cross where they did. I got across and back without incident, but it was still a little nerve-wracking -- not sure why, though, as I was already soaked by now.
Anyway, we start backtracking, and I notice a narrower crossing and the rocks are close enough to hop across. I ask if he felt comfortable with trying it here and after studying it, he seemed okay with the idea. Either that, or else he was just tired of hearing me try to goad him across and gave in. ; )
That crossing was easily made and we are now re-backtracking towards the falls again. We found a road cut through the trees and followed that. We even hung out, so to speak at a couple spots along the way ...
We soon arrived at the falls and they were indeed impressive.
We came across this "fall" on the way in, but others were there doing their own photo opps, so we waited until we were going out to take ours
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