this could easily be titled self ________
pity, absorbed, centered
..... the list goes on,. your choice! and it's all about me! (sadly) -- which is the point of this post. these all describe my character ... or lack of! you fill in the blank!
this is hard! but then i seem to have no problem calling out folks in my life so maybe i ought to examine myself with such criticism as well! that's always a tough thing to do without bias, right? if you cannot throw stones ....... but a conversation with the woman of my life (my wife) has made me examine this closer.
yes, i knew it is part of my makeup. i am not proud of it, but have become more aware. okay, i knew it was an issue, but maybe not to thsi extent. i was certainly cognizant of facets of it, but. damn it sucks to be called on it.
in a way it is a wake-up call to make yourself to NOT be that guy! thanks love! (yes she is likely reading this) sometimes i need that smack in the face! NOT ALL THE TIME... but, SOMEtimes!
so i am selfish. i have perceived tendencies, values, priorities .... whatever ... that i hold dear and fail to find a compromise on; and that is a definite fallacy! admitting it is only PART of the problem, but i do acknowledge it!
i don't know why. i -can- say the examples i have had (my father and grandfather ... also quite selfish) have certainly impacted that, but shouldn't we strive to be better? why haven't i seen (all of) this before now? is it too late? how do i change this?
heh. i thought i was searching before! i reckon i had no idea! i need to figure out how to make ed a better guy. you know, the guy that makes everyone else in the room better, because he is there. not the guy that will take everything without thinking of others' welfare first.
hmmm got some soul- searching to do ............
oddly, megan, my daughter, is that person. she walks into the room and a light shines. it is a brighter, happier place, BECAUSE of her. she got past the darkness her father casts, why can't i be that person?
i guess it's about compromise. i can give in ... to a point! and i guess that's my point. i can't or won't just give in wholly -- it's conditional. i don't know how to leap this hurdle.
looks as if i have my work cut out for me.
3 comments:
we both have work to do. we are blessed to have this opportunity to see our failures or faults and work on them, instead of going through life blind to them. Just don't give up and give in to bitterness, hun.
ya know looking inward sucks, bigtime! you've pointed out faults in me, i don't like it (whether or not they are true ;) ) it's no summer picnic that's for sure, but that's part of life. at any age we do have to grow and mature. i mean i am a big kid at heart and i hope i stay that way, but i have to grow. The real things in the world are the ones we freely give away and somehow freely come back to us. Our time, love, passion, grace, forgiveness, etc.
owning your failings is challenging. overcoming them is harder still. the rewards, however, are worth it.
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